My dreams were full of rain. I heard it and saw it and fretted over having to go out in it. Rain in dreams suggests crying or tears. There have been lots of tears.
My heart hurts for my trees. Six are getting removed. Two came down yesterday and four more have seen their last sunrise today. I know why it’s happening and I’m not trying to stop it, but my heart hurts anyway. Especially for my beautiful maple with its bark that curls away from the trunk and the healthy gloss of its gray-green leaves. That tree watches the birds with me and calms my spirit. When I hugged it goodbye this morning before going to work, words I’d said to my mother (that I’d be back very soon–before I never saw her again in this life) echoed in my mind.
I know why I’m letting this happen: the house, the water, the foundation, the roof, my husband’s peace. He knows that this is personally painful to me and so hasn’t pushed it forward until the lightning came. But all of our knowing is meaningless because it is without understanding. My heart cannot understand logic and he cannot understand my heart.
Carnage. Ugly Awful.
Right now this place feels destroyed. I should have stopped it.