My dream was interrupted by a grating, industrial-sounding, repetitive clanging that woke me and shook me to the core. “What was that?” I asked a stirring Gordon next to me in our new too-firm bed. He grumbled a reply and went back to sleep. I got up to look around. Something must have happened. Something was wrong. But no. The house was quiet and everyone was asleep.
I spent the next while worried that someone someday would crash into our house and kill us in the middle of the night. And we’ll never be able to sell this place. Who wants to live on a highway? And the bed we just bought was a bad idea. Too hard, (but I did notice that nothing on me hurt when I got up to investigate). And now I have to change jobs?! Or at least look into it. My counselor, of all people (who knows all my crazy) sent me a link to a job she thinks I should apply for and use her as a reference. Which means, if I blow it off, we will have to talk about why I didn’t at least look into it considering my current job is failing the ultimatum I gave it in February. And what kind of psycho has auditory hallucinations that are loud enough to wake them up?
It’s called Exploding Head Syndrome. Occurs sometimes when people are stressed combined with mental or physical exhaustion. More common in women than men. Also, is commonly followed by anxiety.
Ok, so I’m not a psycho. I’m just tired and stressed and I’ve been smiling and nodding and working and trying to offer stability to my three boys that are feeling their own worry. Making sure papers are signed and heads are kissed and crock pots are full of dinner. Gordon is doing all of that stuff too, but has new things going on that take him away from his normal level of domesticity and his normal role of stabilizing.