The key to my freedom lies within me. Intellectually, I know this yet I’ve not been able to grasp the concept in the practical sense. I’ve blamed my upbringing. I’ve blamed my mother. I’ve identified the bane of my existence and I’ve named it: Guilt. It’s my go-to emotion. Anger ends in guilt. Good fortune ends in guilt. Elation can even end in guilt because it oftentimes travels through asinine behavior before it’s through.
I can try and explain the rationale behind what I’m about to declare, but the attempt will surely diminish it. It will be more of the same reasoning and self-validation that has been confusing me and leading me back to zero for about ten months now. So what I believe to be the secret to my personal freedom I will simply state:
I’m going to quit trying to be a good guy. It’s not who I am. It doesn’t fit.
Grasp that concept, baby. Neutral is the ocean. Sometimes nurturing, sometimes destructive. Existence is pure. Nature is pure. Imperfection is pure. Life doesn’t stop to question itself. Its rhythm is not good or bad. It just is.
Let me be like that.